ermmm.... yesterday evening im chattin wif adam again... i know im lying to myself... saying dat i hate him wif full of my heart... but the fact is i cannot hate him not even a little bit... i love and adore him too much that every hateness seems covered by my love towards him.... am i pathetic?? i guess so.... (huuuuhhhh.... relieve my slow breathe away....)
recently im chattin wif him several times.... but the lingo of his talkin and the way of he throw the words seems up and down.... not stable.... it seems like he's trying to show his own emotion as indirectly... i can feel his feeling.... clueless, depression, desperation....sometimes he felt happy... sometimes he felt sad and lonely.... everythin was messed up.... and he's struggle wif his own battle field... and trying to make people surrounded him understand concerning his unstable emotion... i think i do understand although sometimes it seems hard for me to really catch what he was meant exactly..... but dats adam.... i do accept him the way he is....
i do notice sumting different about adam when im chattin wif him yesterday evening... adam seems happy.... not as im chattin wif him few weeks ago... where all the emotion feelings mixed up.. up and down like a life support machine..... and he's more relaxing yesterday and i can feel it from my deeper heart.... we dun talk much since the day i decided to leave him for the sake of my happiness.... juz say hi... how r u...?? how's life...?? like common conversation we used to use during our first meet....
what i do notice bout adam is dat adam was different.... precisely... my old adam is back... i think so....?? so sudden dat he send his warm regards to my parents and tellin me dat he wants to see my parents and chit chattin wif them... where he has mentioned about it once... a month ago... before the car accident happened.... and he also adviced me to take care of myself... and wait for the day to come.... im not so sure what he's meant actually.. but i do believe sumtin will happen to me soon... whether its bad or good... only Allah knows... juz pray for the safety and happiness... dat's what im wishing for..... no more drama..... besides before dis he had mentioned dat he's a bad person.... and not suitable for me.... but yesterday he said dat he's already become a good person... and try to be better.... like he alwiz said and convinced me before... "i da baik la! sebab tu i nak nikah ngan u" ermmm.... he's sooooooo confusing... do u think so....?? i cannot guess what is in his mind...
as day goes by.... im still waitin for the miracle to come.... i dunno wat's gonna happen to me... maybe i will gettin married soon... or maybe i will die soon.... who knows rite?? everthin is in Allah's hands... as a muslim who believe in faith i do pray dats everythin gonna be juz fine.... and i do believe if Adam is my "jodoh" he will be back to me.... juz be patience, pray and wait..... AMIN
2 comments:
"no more drama..... besides before dis he had mentioned dat he's a bad person.... and not suitable for me...."
-situasi kite same. Tp aku doakan ko lebih bernasib baek. Ye kanda..??? ^_^
thank you very very much dear.... i do hope so.. even though the hope seems hard to get... =(
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